So a few people have given up on loving you.
A few people saw you in real and raw and vulnerable ways, and they decided to leave, never giving you a choice in the matter. One person left you before you could even give him a reason. He left you at the ripe age of seven, when all you cared about were your stuffed animals and your karaoke machine and playing in your green and pink flowery room. He left before you even knew what leaving was. It seems to be a reoccurring pattern in your life and it’s so easy to feel hopeless and alone and unworthy of anyone staying.
But the beautiful thing is that when you stop and look around, you have a whole lot of people who stayed. You have people who have seen your angry, and your crazy, and your raging anxiety. People who still respond to your texts when you blow up their phones. People who look past your mistakes, and see through your pain. People who march past the pieces of your heart that you deem “damaged” or “broken” and pick them up only to say “Nah I like this piece of you I think I’ll keep it.” They look past how you see yourself after you’ve been hurt and they see you for who you’ve always really been; brave and strong and worthy and wild and resilient. These people are proof, that real love doesn’t leave, it doesn’t give up, and it doesn’t push you aside like you were never there in the first place. They are proof that you can be loved, for real. They are proof that you are capable of giving and receiving love, no matter what you’ve made yourself believe.
So on the days that you wake up and all you feel is alone, and unworthy, and the people that left are hanging over your head, look to the ones who stayed. On the days you guilt yourself into believing that it’s your fault that people have left deep wounds in your life that feel like they may never truly heal. On those days, hold on a little tighter to the ones that have never left your side. They’re living reminders that you’re still here, still loved, still wanted and needed.
On those days, lift your eyes to God and thank Him for those beautiful people who stayed. God knew that you’d need them. He sent you them to be fierce protectors of your heart. And God is the biggest protector that your heart has ever had, because He was there for all of the leaving and hurting and hating. He never left, either. Even though it can be hard to feel Him still working in your life, He was always there, making moves where they were needed. That person that never texted or called you back after you begged them not to go, whoever broke your heart, the parent that decided not to invest in your beautiful life, the friend that suddenly stopped trying. He was there through all of that, protecting you. You can hold on to some people until your knuckles turn white, but that wont stop anyone from leaving. It hurts, and it’ll never not hurt.
But it’s not the end, because you have those people who never let you go.
Focus on that, and focus on your forever Father, and eventually the fact that a few people ran for the hills when they found your heart will feel like a gift instead of a burden.
About the Author
AllieJo Fisher Shinn
I’m AllieJo Fisher Shinn. I’m 18 and I’m currently working through my freshman year of college. I believe in kindness, equality, and radical honesty with others. Mostly, I believe in love, and I believe that love is all we have to give to one another when it comes down to it.